"The Pain"

I dedicate this little piece to all my friends who have gone through,are going through or have gone through, what i call " The Pain".
Be it that 10 pointer girl who seemed to be a complete testosterone repellent or the hopeless chap who never came to class or that nameless dude you said Hi to every morning and coming closer, your best friend or coming closest..you.....at some point in life we all go through it. A hidden pain,no one ever got to know about or a painful fiasco which was talk of the entire university....
Anyone who lives to be a man/woman/man-woman has definitely gone through a heartbreak...mild,serious or life threatening...it's happened....
You may never confess, the hidden love in your heart ...and your heart breaks as you watch her walk hand in hand with someone else....or you may make a complete fool of yourself declaring your love....and your heart breaks as rejection hits you right in your face....

My first heart break was in school in eighth grade,the pain that overweight,balding footballer caused came back to me now and then,not so much a pain but like little splinters causing discomfort and irritation. In college I forced myself to believe that I was taken in by this complete, go by the book guy....who lit,flashed and flicked girls like matchsticks! no really! ...and yet was the innocent one....Of course we shall not go into all the hurt I may or have caused, that is a story to be discussed some other time.
Hey..Hey...hold on I am trying to make a point here...the point is...the heart is as you tell it to be...and it heals...for some it may take days...others may take a few months..and some may take years...but it is all in your hand....I believe that i could have put an end to that matchstick story if i wanted to,in a month but i stretched it for two whole years....the gain? well it makes for a good story to tell... :) No seriously,don't try if the other person is just serving up trash.Just as before, there are two choices to make: Choice one: Don't' try, just move on,it's a long way and a big world,you'll meet someone,you don't deserve trash, and you know that.Clear cut. Non-messy.
Choice two: don't' try, walk on...and is you are a little thick skinned..just turn back a little, try some more...by then he or she will know what it means to lose you,so a)if they care, you are back on track b) if they don't, their loss,you move on....
Remember, don't show anyone, who doesn't care how much it hurt. Don't!
Believe me the deeper the cut, the longer it takes to heal...so don't let it turn from a scratch to a gash! For the optimists, move on, at the next turn you will find love, for the semi-optimists,move on, on some turn you will find love, for the non optimists(i don't particularly like pessimists, so I choose to avoid the term), you can find love, with anyone you want(arranged scenarios....at least your parents will be delighted!)
However, only those people heal who are believers....faith is the sustenance of Life. In a world where twenty year marriages with two kids can end what's a two year romance?

Let us for a moment not talk about people who claim they have never fallen in love.

In a world where affairs are more often than not, just that, affairs, 50% fall in love because they are in love with the concept of being in love, being in a relationship,the person they are with is really more of a coincidence. Another, 15% believes they have met their match, the one made for them, the perfect love and set themselves up for a claustrophobic relationship without space. Another 15% believes in free love, love one,love all....they are of course best left undiscussed.
Another 20% fall in love with all sincerity, in all practicality, and in all their senses, and then something suddenly snaps.
I believe there is nothing like "my only true love". Love is a function of time. With time you change, your needs change, your perspective changes,your love changes. For the people in love,heart breaks happen because one person changes with time and the other doesn't.
So, the concept of forever only exists if there is change, anyone close to you can be your true love,anyone who goes through life's changes with you, that explains why friendship is the basis of great love(note: i never say true love).
You may ask, how with this theory can I explain arranged marriages that have worked for as long as we know, and in the Indian scenario represents a " till death do us part"! Well for starters, I never said an arrangement couldn't lead to love, but also the two people in the arrangement may have just learnt to live with their heart breaks, in our lingo " a compromise".
In our day and age, most people don't want a compromise, and hence this whole fuss about heart breaks resurfaces.

Dont' hide "The Pain" under a bandaid ,the best way to deal with it is to expose it, let " The Elements" heal it...the more you hide it, keep supressed feelings, the more painful, pus filled it gets, there is no magic band aid for it, bring it out, vent it, talk about it, let that sore become so weather beaten that it not only heals but leaves you stronger...ready maybe for a next heart break or your great love......any which way, the scar that is left behind will always tell you that you had kept the faith, moved on and been brave, ofcourse it will be a great scar story to tell a couple of years down the line......

So dont let " The Pain" keep you from "living" life.....and for those who still havent confesssed, take the plunge, do it....speak up.....remember if you havent been through heart breaks...you havent been there and done that.....



to be contd....

A bubble at a time

If you sailed through Life without having tested unchartered waters or facing rough weather,you wouldn't have interesting stories to share or a life well "lived" to look back at? No really! Come to think of it, if He never told us what it means to fail,would we ever be relieved to pass? If you never tasted "bad" food would you know what finger licking food means? If you didn't have a failed realationship, you wouldn't know why true love felt so good!
Someone's theory of relativity definitely goes beyond physics.
So, I spent a whole working day,shedding tears, thinking of how I am all alone in this land of oppurtunities,without any of the people I love,around me,sleeping and eating my way through salty waters and self made darkness,and what may you guess I ended up with?
Well..Well..A day of missed lectures worth one tenth of my grade, a couple of pounds I could have definitely done without and one big wasted day in the first quarter of my Life...assuming I will live to be atleast a hundred!
There are always atleast two choices to everything in Life,more often than not,the more difficult one is the one we "ought" to make and most ordinary people, more often than not end up making the easier one,let's say for example, I could get up,go pull the blinds and let some sunshine into the room,but what I do is push a button and turn on the lamp right next to me...why? 'cause it's easier that way. Then again, I could get up cook a healthy, if not good meal,but I pick up a handy bag of chips...why? 'cause it's easier that way.
Making that one right choice,may be all the difference between your present uneasy,frustrated,claustrophobic state of mind or a rejuvenated,lighter if not happier state of mind and if nothing, it will surely leave you a few wrinkles less for when you are 40, now you want tha...don't you? I sure do.....

I have realised one other thing.....there is really no point thinking of 'what could have been', 'what is' is what you have,take it or take it (an exception to the two choices norm above!) Hey! what's the point of mooning over that really pretty dress that you just couldn'y buy or that great weather outside that you couldn't enjoy,or that really pshyco proff you just couldn't get by....forget it! stop living in has beens....

Most of us go through Life thinking I have to do 'this' now because five years down the line I want 'that'. Even before we have crossed one bridge, we are looking to cross another,in effect we forget to live in the moment,and life just seems to be a time bound track of hurdles.
I am the sort of person,who on the first day of vacation sobs over the fact that the countdown to it's end has begun, thereby killing the joy and purpose of the vacation, I make this big resoluions mid-year,to stop being a kill joy,but come next vacation,I am back to square one. And vacation is but a metaphor, i end up doing that to so many special moments in my Life.

In both cases my present is somewhere buried between what was and what will be....so what pray is the way out?

to be continued.....

to be continued